The best advice I got for going through a divorce was from Martha Stewart. I don't know her yet, but I find her somewhat of a badass with a hot glue gun. That woman must never sleep. I was reading her book, "The Martha Rules" and thought, I wonder how she dealt with her divorce. I know you're thinking, (if you know me), Donna reading Martha Stewart books, I wouldn't put the two together. I wanted to see how she went about finding her way, re-inventing herself. I'm a huge believer that you can learn something from everyone's experiences, even if you don't know them. I did some research and found a quip snippet interview: "Think of him as a piece of you know what and get on with your life. It's over." Wow. I think this applies to either side of the court, whether you wanted it or he wanted it. It's over. Done. Caput. Time to move on and make a centerpiece, plant a giant herb garden, buy 7 houses and get on with your bad self. She even went to jail and Martha'd that place up too. While in jail, she decided to mentor women who had dreams of their own. She had Martha 101 classes in jail. How to build your own Omnimedia empire: meet at 7 pm in the Messhall, Tuesdays and Thursdays. That's seriously making lemonade out of lemons.
I have had a few great role models in my life. Of course, I have my Mom, another badass. I have my 3 sisters, great, awesome women. 2 older and one younger. My oldest sister has MS, but you would never know it. She is so strong and so brillliant. She never lets anything get her down. The same can be said for my Mom, she has overcome so much in the last 10 years. Never lets anything get in her way. She is my ROCK. My two other sisters are also so strong and stand in their authentic power. My sister right above me, has helped me see how to use my strenghts to re-establish the way attack my future instead of falling back on my old career trying to re-enter the wine/booze biz the traditional way by starting at the way bottom schlepping, go about it a different way. Sometimes you have to make things work where you are and have it fit you instead of you having to fit someone else's needs.
Then I have some mentors that I've never met. Oh, and one that was my first boss in the wine/spirits world.
The never met category starts with the aforementioned Martha, (she could be slightly constrewed as annoying since she appears to be so together).
Then there's Madonna. I used to love her and she was the reason I started Yoga, which has changed my life twice. She loves to shake shit up, push the envelop and she's always evolving, making herself better. She's not afraid to speak her mind even in-your-face-politically. Free country. She's a badass in my eyes. I've got to hand it to her, she takes no prisoners or she buys them out. She played a big part in my finding my self & happiness through Yoga. Plus she has my name with an "MA" added to it. Cool.
Then there's Chris Evert. Man I wanted to play like her. Smooth and steady like a rock. I even wore the same tennis clothes, (super expensive at the time) the Ellesse brand, painted my nails like her, used her rackets. I thought she was so cool.
Then I got on the Joy Mangano bandwagon. I really like this woman, smart, driven and super creative. One bummer, she has never responded to my email I sent her years ago asking her for some advice in the manufacturing realm, so the feeling has wained now. I still think she's great, but it's amazing how when you reach out to a mentor/roll model and they never respond or it gets tossed into file 13 or the delete file, it really does effect how you see them. I get it, you can't save the world, but that 5-10 min. you take to talk with or write a canned response can effect that woman/child/girl forever. I'm all about paying it forward.
I really like Ina Garten; she's a badass and she's so nice to Jeffery. She definitely knows her truth. She's kind, super generous with her food, time and talents. No wonder all her neighbors hang out at her place. I wrote her an email asking for advice on my fledgling salsa company, at the time, and she personally took the time to reply herself, wishing me the best. She's straight up cool.
Oh and of course, there's Oprah. She just a badass all the way. I need to send her one of my cheesecakes. I make a killer cheesecakes, BTW. My friend calls it "Better than Sex." I know it's not on O's diet now, but I do have a low-fat version of the original. Even if she shared a piece with Gayle, they could totally walk it off on her cool digs in Montecito.
Then there's my favorite boss, Marita, so true to herself. I've lost touch with her, but she had a huge impact on me. She hired me for my first real job in the wine/booze business. She was a single Mom who worked her ass off in a male dominated industry. I thought it was so cool that she wore leather skirts even in hot-ass St. Louis, painted her nails the cool colors, she stood up to all the asshole male chauvansitic men and she always drank Cognac, straight up. That's badass. She believed in me so much and let me fly. I'm not one to wear leather skirts (too hot), but she wore exactly what she wanted in her own way.
I believe you'll have a few great mentors in your life and I think it's so important as a woman/girl to have someone to look up to. Someone who's brave and stands in her own power.
So back to my orginal statement. Sometimes the best advice can come from people you don't know. I learned in my 4th grade writing class to always conclude back to your original point. In other words, why in the hell did I write this? All of these women have impacted my life in some positive way, whether or not I have met them. All of these women have gone through their own struggles and have one thing in common; they're true to themselves despite societal pressures, naysayers and some have also gone through divorce. They have all come out the other side of challenges better, stronger, more determined to honor their truth and callings. The motto of this story is that you must be true to yourself and never let anyone dim your light, get in your way or change your trajectory. That's a lot of TRUES...If someone tries to change you, tells you to change something about yourself, control you, feed off your light, ditch them. I had one guy tell me to change my hair color and let my hair grow, fuck you. I had another guy tell me that I was too loud, kiss off. If they don't agree with your beliefs, your political stance, your brand, fuck 'em. If they try to force themselves on you and tell you how to be. If you like me and you want to be with me, this is me. I don't try to change you, I don't want to control you, so SIYONARA PAL.
You must be so strong and never waiver despite what people say or think because you were put on this Earth to make your mark. You don't need a man to define you. If you meet your "soulmate," and you both support each other to reach your highest heights, more power to you. Maybe someday I'll meet someone that fits me and thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bagels (maybe I already have and it wasn't the right time), but until then, I intend on being free and being me.
Thank you to all of the strong, badass women who have influenced my life in one way or another.
And back to Martha, she went through a divorce, she went through all the bullshit, it sucks, but it's over, you're awesome, go take over the world one centerpiece at a time.
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