1. Get a good lawyer. Hell, get the best lawyer you can afford. A WOMAN.
2. Get a good hairdresser. GET THE BEST. A WOMAN.
3. Get a journal, GET TWO. Write often.
a. Design your thoughts. Get your anger out on paper. Get some post-its too. So you can tell yourself what a badass you are! Put it on the post-its. "I'M A BADASS." Put it on your mirror. Hell, put whatever you want on that mirror. I have a whole bunch of stuff on my mirror.
2. Get a bottle of Tito's Vodka or A LOT. (Gluten Free, Corn Vodka, has a slight odor, but it does go away.) titosvodka.com. You might need a jigger too. Get a BIG generous one.
5. Get some Polar Seltzer-Vanilla to mix with the Tito's Vodka. I buy it (Polar Seltzer Vanilla) by the case from Amazon. They have many other flavors. Of course, add copious amount of limes.
6. Get a really good Therapist. A WOMAN. THE BEST YOU CAN FIND.
7. Get a Yoga mat and Do YOGA. Get the Gaia app. for your Yoga practice. This way you can take it with you on your phone or Ipad when you travel. You can also buy your mat and whatever else you need on Gaiam.com. I never miss a day. Even if I do a short one with a shavasana pose (relaxation pose) instead of meditation, it centers me for the rest of the day. This is so important to me; I can face whatever comes my way and I find my power inside to deal with anything. You can go to a studio, if you're so inclined. I haven't found one yet in my area that feels comfortable to me. Yoga is VERY PERSONAL to me so I prefer to do it on my own. Plus I find some of the Yoga studios spray a lot of fragrance or finish off the practice with fragrance towels. Last time I went to a studio, besides the weird spray at the end, the guy next to me started snoring during shivasana. WTF.
Yoga has changed my life twice and really saved me. I'm a big fan of Ashley Turner and Rodney Yee on the Gaia app. GAIA.COM. Monthly membership is $9.95.
You don't have to be great at it, just do it, it's a process of finding you.
a. Meditate:
Guidied meditation is also available on Gaia.com.
Meditation gives me clarity. It helps me calm my mind. There's a lot of shit that goes through your mind when you're going through Divorce, so you must stay centered. It also helps me attack things without becoming overwhelmed.
The secret to my success has always been action. Don't think, just do, live instinctively. You know what to do, just do it. I learned a long time ago when I played tennis, if I thought too much I wouldn't be in the moment and I wouldn't play my best. I needed to play instictively. So I wrote 3 things on my hand and I usually won. Keep it simple.
Don't talk about shit, act. Seems a little counterintuitive with the Therapist suggestion, but therapy can help you deal with all of your emotions while going through divorce. Women have a lot of emotional crap, I don't know why. Maybe because we have a vijay jay & we have children. (I think the child thing trips us up at times.) My Mom & my lawyer gave me some advice about dealing with this: remove the emotion from it. I wonder if I can do that with sex...? I digress.
8. Get all your ducks in a row.
Organize your life, closet, get rid of unwanted stuff. The stuff that brings up bad juju or feelings. Donate, toss, simplify. Start new if you can and keep the stuff that only makes you happy.
Start creating, planning, visualizing what you want. Make a vision board. When you know what you want and you've set your goals you can manifest. Be clear. Start working everyday. Small steps. KEEP IT SIMPLE.
This is what I'm doing. Trying to focus on one thing at a time, DHARANA (focus, concentration). I have so many things I love, but I need to focus on one thing, get good at that and see where that leads.
My ultimate goal was to get into the wine business and have a vineyard one day. I achieved the wine business part, but the wine brand/vineyard, not yet. I've had this vision forever. Seems expensive, but ultimately I want to have my own wine brand without added sulfites that I can actually drink and enjoy, since I've definitely have issues with sulfites and histamines. This happened gradually and then hit me hard after I had a child. I LOVE Pinot Noirs and Sauvignon Blancs. I'm going to test out the new Pure Wine single Wand and The Wave. I'll update you on the results to see if these interesting gismos help removing sulfites and histamines.
I also have dreams of writing, creating a wide shoe brand so I can make wide shoes that are cute and actually fit my feet (I know...far fetched, but I love shoes: back burner dream). Making my Mom's cheesecake a well known cheesecake brand and going on QVC with it. Once you taste this bad boy, you'll think you've gone to heaven or had an organsm, I'm not kidding.) I also started my own clothing brand to make golf/athleisure clothes longer, more fitted. I got all the way to the 4th set of samples. I had to put that on the back burner, but by no means have I given up. Paying for a lawyer and going through a divorce in general is...how should I put this, financially draining and so much drawn out bullshit. I'm proud of how far I've gotten on that clothing brand. I've also thought about opening a kickass wine bar, so I can share my love for wine, books, food and awesome music. I also feel like I can help women find themselves, find their gumption, live their truth after going through a divorce or even if their single, married or whatever. I can do this through this blog.
Man, I need to get busy, I have a LOT of DREAMS and I DREAM BIG.
Start with one and do someting everyday. I was born to be creative and I'll incorporate all my loves. Wine, writing, food/cooking/health, yoga, photography, fashion/shoes and driving fast cars, preferrable German. I forgot to put that in there. I love driving fast and I love (German) cars. Give me a straight away and I floor it.
GET RID OF THAT PERFECTIONISTIC BULLSHIT. It's a total waste of time.
When it feels good, go for it. GET BUSY.
9. Find a few good friends. PERIOD. A FEW. If people/"friends"/family are judgmental, dump them, move on...org. Find people you can trust, who've got your back. The last thing you need are jugdmental people in your life. Divorce shows you who your true friends are and who REALLY loves you. Judgy people are boring anyway.
10. Find the BEST investment broker. Interview a couple of them. Assess & choose.
DO NOT USE the same person that your EX uses. MOVE ON.
I love mine.
a. LASTLY, find a kickass apartment. Make it your sanctuary. Unless you plan to stay where you are for the long haul and you have the $$, then buy a house or condo. I chose a beautiful apartment (with a resident Sasquatch who lives above me, but I had to make a chocie, quickly.) I would recommend moving out of your joint home ASAP to eliviate tension. I had to keep my house show-ready for 5 months and was having a tough time finding an apartment that suited me and my then, 15 year old son at the time, who's now 16. I would've move out earlier, for sure.
I have a fixed time limit on staying where I am since my son is almost out of highschool and I want to relocate to a different part of the country/Europe. Plus I don't care for the weather. It's too hot for me, humid, buggy & there's the everpresent hot crotch syndrome. I hate being hot all the time so I'll re-assess when my son goes to college and to where my dreams take me. Preferably to a cooler climate where I can immerse myself into my writing, wine, creating, living and eventually...side not having hot sex again... someday.
One could also add GET A VIBRATOR. Lelo.com I will find a good one and let you know!!!!!!! The Soraya looks promising.
Side note: DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT PEOPLE THINK. DO YOU. Be authentic. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks or says, "What you think of me is none of my business" something brilliant my broker quoted that his mentor told him. Thank you. Societal bullshit is just that... bullshit. Just be you and live your dream.
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